Moments Made in the Dark
by ColorMist
Summary: M&M -- During a science class movie about molecules, four angsty teens are all thinking about the breakup of Michael and Maria. But then something happens that spoils the moment -- or does it MAKE the moment instead?


TITLE: Moments Made in the Dark  
  
AUTHOR: ColorMist  
  
E-MAIL: color_mist@hotmail.com  
  
RATING: PG for bad words like "hell" "damn" and so forth.  
  
DISCLAIMER: The character belong to such entities as Melinda Metz and Jason Katims. I'm just a fan fiction writer who owns only the plot of this particular story. Don't sue.  
  
SUMMARY: During a science class movie about molecules, four angsty teens are all thinking on pretty much the same subject: the breakup of Michael and Maria. But then something happens that spoils the moment -- or does it MAKE the moment instead?  
  
NOTES: Even though I've posted a couple of other Roswell fics before now, this one is the first I ever completed. I dug it out a few days ago and did some editing. Fic includes seven sections: 2 Michael POVs, 2 Maria POVs, 1 Liz POV, and 1 Max POV followed by the ending told in third person narration.  
  
SPOILERS: Post S1's Heatwave but before Toy House.  
  
QUOTE: "One piece of advice, okay? Don't get involved with them. I mean, look at me and Michael. Granted, the passion was outrageous, but in the end, they're pretty heartless." ~ Maria DeLuca, episode 09 "Balance"  
  
  
  
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[Tuesday, third period science class...the students are watching a movie on molecules while the teacher at the front of the room grades papers. Four classmates however are interested in other things that do not pertain to the world of atomic energy...but rather, a different kind of energy altogether...]  
  
  
  
There are some days that make you just want to say, "Damn."  
  
Every day of my life has been like that, since I let the one thing most important to me go. Her name was Maria, and she was special...and now she pretty much doesn't even look in my general direction anymore.  
  
I think it's fate's way of punishing me.  
  
But how is anyone possibly going to know that I did the right thing? I am doing the right thing and I'm doing it a hell of a lot better than Maximillion "Martyr for Love" Evans. Look at him over there...he talks big, "I have to stay away from Liz...it's for her own good...I love her, but I'll suffer in silence..." He talks big and he makes me believe that it is all for the best. And then every time I fucking turn around he's making doe-eyes at Liz.  
  
I think I have a right to be angry. In a way, I created a monster that turned on me. I'm the one who told Max to stay away from Liz. Then I went and fell in love with Maria. And I remembered what I told him, and he reminded me, and we both decided that it was better.  
  
Why does he get to break the rules and I can't? Why can he and Liz look at each other like that and smile bashfully at one another...and I have to sit here, a cold and unfeeling stone wall, (stone wall, I really like that one...) while the one person I have ever really needed, ever wanted with every fiber of my being...also sits, all alone.  
  
Just...damn.  
  
  
  
Is he looking at me again? Oh, he is! There, I'll smile back. It's nice to be here in the dark, watching the movie...but not really watching it. In the dark, I can pretend that everything is all right with Max and me. We can watch each other's every move and not feel guilty. Because in the dark I am safe, and he is safe, and we are the same.  
  
Maria doesn't look happy. Neither does Michael. I wish I could help that. How can I be so wonderfully happily in love like this when Max is doing the same thing to me that Michael is doing to Maria, and Maria is so upset and depressed. How can it work both ways?  
  
I just don't understand why she let Michael hurt her like that. Maria is not the type...Michael and her should never have happened. Now he wants nothing to do with her. He gave her a sorry excuse about wanting to be alone, and maybe that's fine, for him. Maria can't change him, no one can. All he wants is to find his own home and get out of here. When he does leave, he'll leave Maria.  
  
And he'll take Max with him.  
  
Change of subject...  
  
I know that I was almost jealous for a time...because they had so much passion for each other, that they let loose anytime they wanted to...they made out...and went God-knows how far with each other, and Max and I had hardly kissed.  
  
Which makes me think that maybe letting the passion out was the wrong way to do things.  
  
Oh look...he's looking at me...be cool, Liz, just smile back...but don't be too forward, remember, one wrong move could spoil the moment.  
  
I wish Maria had a guy like Max.  
  
  
  
I wish I had a guy like Max.  
  
I wish I had a guy that was NOTHING like this loser in the next row.  
  
I wish I had the loser.  
  
I wish I knew what I wanted.  
  
I wish I knew what he wanted.  
  
Why did you do this to me, Michael? Why did you say those things, and then go back on your word. You don't want to be alone. I understand this better than you. I know that no one really wants to be alone. It's all part of your image, isn't it? It's all part of an act. I saw through the act that night at that cheesy-motel. What makes you think that I can't see through it now?  
  
Oh yeah, stretch your legs out all bad-boy...you want everyone to think you are too good for the movie, and too good for the school, and too good for this planet...and too good for me...  
  
We had it all. We could still have it all. I know I wasn't wrong to want us to talk more. Because in some ways, the way we connected at the motel on the way to Marathon was even better then the way we connected the physical way, making out...both were really, really hot...  
  
Am I blushing??  
  
Turn your head away...if he does happen to look at you, you have to pretend like you are not interested. Tell yourself that all men are jerks. That you can do better. That he's a jerk. He's the king of jerks. He's probably the jerkiest alien on his jerky home planet.  
  
Be honest with yourself. Once and for all. You don't want a guy like Max. You want a guy who puts on arrogant shows, who has a ridiculous wardrobe straight out of the army surplus store, who wears his hair in a style so last season...who doesn't care what people think about him. You want a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. You want a guy who can kiss the life right into you, a guy that when he holds you you feel so safe and so warm.  
  
You want him -- this guy -- to love you.  
  
  
  
God, she is the most beautiful woman on Earth. Is it possible that she gets more beautiful with each passing day?  
  
She saw me looking at her. Just smile and bow your head a little...wow, she does have a great smile. I wonder if she likes my smile. I'll look at her again in a moment, I want her to have a chance to let me catch her looking at me.  
  
And yet, I can't help feeling sorry for Michael. It's somehow impossible for him to remain even slightly close to Maria in the way I am with Liz. Liz knows that I love her, and I know that she loves me. But Michael doesn't want to tempt himself with the things that he can't have, so he wants to make Maria think that he never wanted her in the first place.  
  
I could never hurt Liz like that.  
  
She can't be hurting now. She knows.  
  
I know that she knows.  
  
Maria never should have been dragged into this. Why can't Michael just be like me?  
  
I'm scared to admit this, but is it because he and Maria have more passion, passion that they cannot control, like Liz and I can control ours? It's true. If they both had the courage to stare into each other's eyes even once, in the dark...they would be in each other's arms in an instant. They'd be kissing. They would ignore the rest of the world and focus just on themselves, and what they want.  
  
Michael can't afford to let that happen.  
  
I wonder if --  
  
Oh, she's looking at me!! I'll just smile back...I've caught her. Wow, Liz, how can you be so incredibly wonderful? I could stare at you for hours...and hours...and hours...  
  
  
  
...and hours...and hours... That's how long this torture is going to last. Hours and hours. On and on. The dark is making me insane. I want to act on instinct the way Max and Liz are. I want to stare at Maria with my eyes and feel her staring into mine. I want to feel trapped in them, with no escape, knowing how she feels and how I feel. I want her to feel trapped in my gaze also. I want her to feel the passion for her there, and the love, and the need.  
  
But that's never going to happen.  
  
I won't let it.  
  
So all I can do is ignore you, Maria. Ignore you and hope that in time, the feelings will fade. When the time comes for me to leave, I'll hurt leaving you behind. I have to get it all over with now. Gradual. Flickering.  
  
Who knows? Maybe tomorrow morning I'll wake up and feel absolutely nothing when I picture your face. Maybe I'll come to school and see you in one of those cute outfits of yours and not feel like a man in the desert without water. Maybe I won't be consumed with a burning fire if you accidentally glance my way and then torture me even more by turning from me.  
  
Yeah right. Who am I kidding. Your face is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night, and I will never picture it without an accompanying sense of love and guilt. Every single thing you wear turns me on. You could be in a paper bag, and you would be the hottest thing in New Mexico. And when you do look at me 'on accident' I will always feel the need to look at you right back. And not just to make you uncomfortable and sorry you graced my presence with your eyes...but to show you that I love you.  
  
Maria...if you had *any* idea what you do to me...  
  
  
  
If Michael had any idea what he's doing to me acting like this, he would never believe it. Heck, *I* can't even believe it. By all rights I should want nothing more to do with that creep. After what he did to me? Any other normal girl would sooo be over a guy like Michael by now.  
  
One things for sure. I won't let Liz make the same mistake as me. Sure she seems happy in her fun pink bubble-like world with flowers and rainbows and Max everywhere. But just watch. He's going to hurt her so badly. He's going to rip her heart from her body and toss it aside as if it means nothing, and then he'll pretend nothing ever happened in the first place. If she thinks she's suffering now, she has no idea what is going to come.  
  
The aliens probably have a thing for this kinda stuff. They probably the same kind of high out of making people they love miserable that they do out of Tabasco sauce. It's not just Michael and Max, it's Isabel too. Every time I see the way she treats Alex I get boiling inside.  
  
I have to make sure that Liz especially does not get hurt. I'll preach day and night about the evils of loving another species. I'll coax and beg and whine and complain. I won't stop until I am sure that she is totally unhooked from her Max-addiction that seems to be growing day by day. My own personal little crusade. I could make banners, pass out pamphlets...  
  
God...the teacher's looking right at me again. I guess I better take some more notes. This stupid movie -- who cares about molecular structures of atoms anyway? (God knows Michael and Co. don't give a darn since rules never apply to them anyway, whether you're talking about changing ketchup to mustard or breaking a person's heart...)  
  
Oh shoot, the pencil...  
  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
  
Hardly anyone heard the small plink that the pencil made. It rolled off of Maria's desk and clattered onto the tile floor between her and Michael.  
  
Liz, who had been making goo-goo eyes at Max, jumped as if the sound had been as loud as a gunshot directed at her for looking at the forbidden boy in the next row. Max was startled also.  
  
All four looked first at the pencil, and then at each other. Maria rolled her eyes in an effort to make the whole thing seem like it wasn't really a big deal, and began to reach over to pick it up.  
  
"No." The word came from Michael. Their eyes met for the first time that period and Maria stopped in mid-air. Michael shook his head slowly at her, and he reached out also, deftly took hold of the pink, glittery pencil and brought it up to look at it. He squinted his eyes at the sparkles and gazed over the edge to stare into Maria's eyes.  
  
Maria gulped.  
  
Michael could have just reached over and handed it to her. Instead he stood up, got out of his chair and walked the one step it took to her desk. He looked down at her, and held the pencil out. "Yours."  
  
Maria nodded dumbly and took it. For one short instant, when he passed the pencil to her and she accepted it, their hands held each others. Both felt a shock so severe that they would later marvel that it had not generated real sparks. They stayed, touching, for only half of a second, looking into each other's souls through their eyes.  
  
Finally, Maria pulled away. Her gaze returned to her notebook to pretend once again that nothing more existed. Her skin was pale and there was a slight tremor in the hand that he'd touched. Michael looked hurt for a moment. Then he shrugged in indifference and sat back down.  
  
Liz and Max both breathed equally loud sighs of relief, almost as if they had expected nothing short of an explosion to occur.  
  
Maria turned back around and tried to pay attention to the movie. The teacher obviously had not noticed the goings-on in the back of the room, too involved in grading papers. No one, had noticed except the four of them. Of course not. Why should anyone care? It was just a girl, dropping her pencil, and in a simple act of chivalry the stranger in the next row got out of his seat to hand it to her, to save her the trouble of getting it herself.  
  
But somehow, it was so much more. And it could be defined as such by those four.  
  
Maria, so involved in her thoughts of Michael and of appearing as if she didn't care what he did, accidentally knocked her pencil off her desktop. Michael was desperate for a chance to look at her, to speak to her, without being too forward, without looking as if he were in love with her, saw this and beat her to picking it up. It gave him an excuse even to touch her.  
  
But it couldn't last forever, because he had hurt Maria, and he had played with her trust. Out of fear that he would be the one to yank his hand away, she broke the grasp first. Almost as if she wanted to hurt him by that one act. Even though she couldn't have known that, given the chance, he would have stayed holding her hand forever.  
  
  
  
When the class ended, the movie stopped playing and the throng of students left the room. The lights turned back on. Liz looked back hopefully at Max, but he turned away to load his books into his bag. The spell had been broken, and the light was on, and they could no longer pretend. She sighed and tried to forget.  
  
Maria was shaking slightly, still confused by the electricity she had felt. She, too, began to put away her things, when she felt someone's eyes on her.  
  
Michael was standing a few feet away. He didn't have a book bag, (why would he need one for the five days out of the year he actually did make it to class). But that was not what startled her. He was staring at her. Hard.  
  
She sighed and tried to ignore it. Finally she reared her head up and exploded. "All right, what do you want!?"  
  
"Huh?" he asked.  
  
"Come on, what are you looking at me like that for!?"  
  
Liz and Max were by the doorway also, in stunned silence.  
  
Michael looked away, out at the window, maybe, or at the science poster hanging on the wall, before he brought his gaze back to Maria. "Something," he replied.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Something. Not nothing. It's not nothing yet. It's something. I feel something, and it will probably always be something no matter what I do." He shrugged his shoulders and headed for the door. "Come on, Maximillion," he muttered, practically dragging Max out of the room.  
  
Maria groaned and tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear. "Czechoslovakians," she ranted, following Liz out. "I will NEVER understand them."  
  
  
  
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END NOTES: As mentioned in the notes at the top, this was the first Roswell fic I ever completed, and also the first time I tried to write in the POVs of Michael, Maria, Max and Liz. Since then I've written another one-shot in the POV of Michael. It can be found in my ff.net bio.  
  
Thanks for reading, I would appreciate feedback of all kinds, either through e-mail (color_mist@hotmail.com) or through reviews.  
  
~~~Ali~~~ 


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